i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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