I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
