I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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