Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i've created a new STD.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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