Sacagawea was the original milf.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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