We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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