There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
