Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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