Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
