Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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