Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
