He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
