She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize