So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
