Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
