Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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