I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
there is another microwave in the elevator.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
