you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
