so explain again why im purple
no
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
