I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize