Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
