My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
