Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
