I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
