babies were throwing up all over the place
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The ass gains better be worth it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
