he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
