last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
