I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
