my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
