I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
