ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
