dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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