I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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