I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
