How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
