No awkward lesbian experiences without me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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