The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize