1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
