I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
