We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
