I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
