he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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