so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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