Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
