the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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