Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
