Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
