just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
