tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
