Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
