Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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