How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
