i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
