At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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