Where is the hickey?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
