This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just made my gag reflex go away.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
