i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just googled if crying burns calories
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
