i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Please don't give away my fajitas
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