The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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