It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
