We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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