The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
