Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
