He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
